The title of this post is a chapter title in CS Lewis’ That Hideous Strength. Apologies to Clive for using that thought, but though it’s originally his, it surely applies to my life at this moment.
I’ve been working very little on the novel because my own life has become so interesting. Apparently, the last 20 years, I’ve been looking at the world through the wrong end of a telescope. What I thought was a tiny green and grey planet has blossomed into a big universe alive with color and sound.
It’s been a spiritual journey. Physical effects are starting to show, though: I’m growing my carefully stylish short hair longer again. In fact, I’m beginning to resemble my avatar.
My way to look at other people is different too–almost as if I had been given new eyes. A Spanish friend told me a proverb of “seeing the world through a new color of Crystal.” I’m sure the saying lost something in the translation, because my friend said the idea of Crystal is deeper than the idea of glasses.
I began to be able to empathize with different views and to love people with better understanding of who they were. Years ago, I expected perfection in myself and others. Now I can see the subtlety of that trap.
I’ve even had a couple of romantic prospects, but I’m happy being single still. The men I’ve met have taught me that I need to not stick to one type: there are lots of personalities I could like.
It’s like this time around I’m empowered to make better choices.
Well, in this journey, real life has been meeting others and seeing their true grace, hopes, failures and fears–letting them be themselves, and being unafraid to be myself with them.